I Hate You, You're Gone
by The Sapphire Pen
Summary: She loved him and she hated him. But does it really matter which, anymore?


**i haven't written for a while, and if i'm being honest, i probably won't write for a very long time. i'm focusing on school, and math. so writing is being pushed aside. but i've missed writing, and the only writing i've been doing is for english class or these dark poems/ short stories. even those i seldom write anymore, as they were more of a summer thing. anyways, i have to go study soon, so i'll try to write this as fast as i can. this may be really awful, and i will continue my other stories eventually. i'll be truthful: i haven't watched a & a or kickin' it for a long time, so i have to write about a show that i've liked as of summer but have never written about yet.**

 **disclaimer: i've never owned anything. it'd be cool though.**

Something was wrong. Something always was, but something right now was awfully messed up.

She was the melodramatic one of the two. She was the one who always overreacted and caused a fuss about any stupid thing. She was the one to go for days avoiding any contact with him, only to come rushing back. He never did any of those things. Until now.

"Have you seen Beck?" Tori asked her. Poor Tori, who didn't know what was wrong, and genuinely thought she knew. Poor Tori, who was worried about Beck.

"Of course I haven't, Vega," Jade replied bitterly, slamming her locker shut. She often came off as angry or scary, two things she did well.

"Well maybe we should visit him." If only Tori weren't so willing to help. If only Tori wasn't so kind. If only Tori didn't care about Beck. If only Tori wouldn't do anything for her friends. The situation might have been dealt with better.

"No!"

Jade stormed away, lacking the joy and glee she felt when she was bitter or just plain mean. She cared about him, and didn't know what was wrong. She couldn't stand Vega on a regular day. This wasn't a regular day.

Jade hated Beck in some respects. Hated him with all of her heart. And then, once she was finished, she would change that hatred into passionate love. There was never much of a line between hatred and love for her. On any given day, anybody knew she could storm in and cut apart his body into bloody shreds. Then, the very next, she could be carefully gluing those pieces back together. Today was definitely one of those days that she hated him in every single way she could hate.

He hadn't chosen to try to contact her for a week. It was clear he did not wish to contact anyone else, either. He had separated himself from the rest of the world, it appeared. He wanted to remain secluded, and was neither at his rule free house, nor at his parents' home. Every tie connecting him with anyone, and boy did he have many, had been cut. He hadn't gone on vacation, or he would've told her. He certainly wasn't in _Canada_ , or he would've come back by now. He never went to Canada for more than four and three fourths days.

She remembered the last time they had talked before he had disappeared. Before he managed to be the sole man alive who could prove the earth was flat and walk right off. They hadn't left on good terms, admittedly, but that was nothing new. For them, everything restarted. It was like one of those cheesy shows, where nothing in an episode mattered, and the general plot always stayed the same. She would more likely than not walk up to him, talk to him, and all was well. She never apologized, or rarely if she did. He never required her begging for his forgiveness. He was calm and collected, only got angry once or twice a year, at most. He blew over almost immediately after the situation. She got angry every day. The only similarity was that neither would hold a grudge against the other. Their fights were not true fights.

He wasn't perfect. She knew that frightfully well. Nobody was. He made his fair share of mistakes, as did she, and they had always been able to overcome them. Together, they were a strong force.

Jade had nobody to consult with. Beck was her go to, and she obviously couldn't go to him. Cat, truly a dear girl, would never be of use. She was gullible, and much too easy to get distracted. She loved Beck, just like any friend ought to, but she could never understand the worry that Jade felt. After all, Jade was always a drama queen, wasn't she?

So that left Robby, Andre, and Tori. Robby was clearly afraid of her, and Rex she could not tolerate. He was fairly easy to trick, not as much as Cat, but easy enough. He would be of no assistance. Andre...he didn't see her vulnerable. He was terrified of what she could do, and she liked it that way. The less people who thought they could get to her, the better. She did not do well with being on the other end of anger.

Tori was the only one who really knew her. She disliked Tori, despised her at times. Even yet, Tori was her friend. She would never admit it, but Tori had always been someone she envied. Everything Tori had, she wanted. Except maybe her being too kind and trusting.

Jade would go to Tori, simply because nobody else would understand the pain quite so well as Tori. She wouldn't go to Vega right away, only if it was absolutely her last resort. She was out of ideas, and she knew it wouldn't take long to go crawling to Vega. Despite this, she clung on to her last shred of pride as if her life depended upon it.

* * *

He stood there, quite, and curiously satisfied. He felt fierce, he felt invincible. He felt as though he could achieve anything, and accomplish more power than anything of the human nature. He didn't know how else to explain his situation.

He was worn and tired out. He couldn't stand his life of constant struggle. It wasn't boring, sure, but it definitely wasn't enchanting or romantic. He loved _her_ ; however, the relationship that they had he despised.

He felt free for the first time in a long while. He didn't know if he could ever go back. No, he was sure. He could never return. Not even _she_ could make him.

* * *

"Vega, I need your help!"

"I'm listening."

"It's...well...there's thunder, you know? And there's lightning? They try to destroy each other so they can be king of the sky. Or queen...I don't know! But at the end of the day, they work together to create a beautiful force. Thunderstorms."

"I don't think anybody's pictured it like that before," Tori responded honestly.

"I can't stand not having him around! I need to know what's wrong. Will you help, Vega? Do you want to help me in my quest to bring back the thunderstorms?"

"Oh, um. I don't know..."

" _Help me!_ "

"Okay, okay!"

* * *

Was he going to do it? He wasn't afraid. Not anymore. He loved the feeling. Just like she always said. "The good kind." He knew what she meant. He couldn't stop. He was in his paradise, his own cloud nine.

* * *

The two girls went to find him. They had been there before, of course, but this time, they did not have a dog. They didn't expect to find him. Jade was not a stupid girl. Tori was not, either. Both knew finding Beck, especially at his home, had chances close to impossible. Not even one in a million. Not even one in a billion, or trillion.

"He's not here."

"Thanks for stating the obvious."

"I thought the situation required narration."

Jade rolled her eyes. Tori was ridiculous at times.

"Look, I care about Beck, too. He's my friend. I really do want him to be okay- we all do. The mere facts are, we can't find him. The others might remember, but won't try because they know it's hopeless. We both know it's hopeless. Yet we're still trying. I think that's why you asked me, since you obviously don't like me. I'm the only friend of yours who would help you devotedly in a lost cause."

"It's not a lost cause!" Jade snapped back.

They both believed it was.

* * *

Alone. He wanted to be alone. He didn't want another in his life, much less many others. He would've taken _her_ , but he knew she wouldn't want to. She would've stopped him. He couldn't risk that. She may even convince him.

Now, he wasn't even sure if he wanted to take _her_. She was wonderful...in her own special ways. He appreciated her incredibly. She was caring, albeit rarely showing it. He loved her. This life he was living, he couldn't go on. Nobody understood him. Nobody ever could. Nobody should ever know his secret. Not even _her_. He couldn't drag her into this. She hated many things. She did not hate life. Not like he did.

* * *

"Tori, you're good with parents. Ask his dad where he is."

"You're his girlfriend."

"Which is why his dad hates me."

"Fine, I'll go!"

* * *

He had done all he could so that they wouldn't worry, or be able to find him if they did. He knew _she_ would worry. He knew _she_ was someone he would do anything to save, even if it was leaving her in the blue: full of misery.

* * *

"I don't know."

His own father didn't know where he'd gone. It was pointless for them to even keep trying.

If nothing else, Jade was stubborn. Too much so. In this case, that was a good thing for her and Tori. Tori was persistent enough, but even she wished to give up the grueling task at midnight.

"We have to keep looking, Vega! You said you cared."

"We're not going to find him."

"We _will_...I hope."

* * *

He decided it was time. Enough waiting. Enough playing with _her_ emotions. Make it quick. She would heal in time. She was strong.

* * *

Everywhere they searched. All night they tried to find him. The routine of the night pretty much went in a pattern- a monotonous cycle. One of the two girls would get an idea of where Beck could be, no matter how unreasonable it was. The other would be in too much hysteria out of worrying or be too delirious out of lack of sleep, for neither girl slept much the previous evenings, to ever question the first.

The girls would then go to the place suggested, only to find it empty, or deprived of the joy that was Beck. Place after place they visited, and place after place they found nothing. Sometimes they would even be thrown out, especially when Tori suggested that perhaps Beck would be at the little kid doll store which closed promptly at seven.

After complete failure, they would repeat and try again. There seemed no other way to find him, and find him they must. Tori could never leave a friend unfound, it just seemed such a horrible thing to do. Jade could not give up on finding the one person she cared about.

* * *

The deed was done.

* * *

At about five in the morning, the girls did not decide to quit, but their bodies evidently did. They awoke at six to Trina singing in the shower. They could not recall falling asleep, as the last few hours of the night seemed fuzzy and blurry.

"How did we get to my house?" Tori asked, puzzled. Neither girl was looking very neat and organized, and neither cared much. She pulled a leaf out of her hair in disgust.

Jade stood up, and with her a cloud of dust left the couch. "I don't remember at all. Did we find Beck?"

Both knew they had not found him.

* * *

They went to school as usual, and many of their classmates asked if they were okay. They did not change since the night's adventures, and they were tired. One hour of sleep was not sufficient in supplying them with a week's worth of sleep, no matter how much coffee either drank.

Tori finally sighed. "I'm not a quitter, Jade, but this is useless. I can't help anymore. I'm sorry. My school work has been dipping, and right now, there's no point. Let me know if you find him."

At lunch, Jade steered clear of all those friends. They refused to look for Beck. They refused to care after he'd gone. They all appreciated his friendship when they could take advantage of it. It was a cruel thing.

She received a phone call during the lunch hour. It was from an unknown caller. She didn't have the heart to pick it up, yet somehow instinct told her it was important.

"What?" she barked into the phone.

"Are you Jade West?"

"Who are you?"

"Detective Brown. It seems that there was a Beck Oliver that went missing not too long ago. He had a girlfriend, or an ex, not sure which, named Jade?"

"I am his girlfriend, yes."

"We found his body."

"You found him?!" she asked with shock and excitement.

"Kind of..."

* * *

"Why...why would he?"

Jade was beyond speechless. She was dumbfounded by the news, startled. She wanted to deem it untrue, a lie, if only she could. The proof was right there in front of her.

"We think you may have been involved."

"Not at all. I did not know at all."

"Oh."

"Did he have a motive?"

"We thought you might know."

"I don't."

She never hated him as much as she did at this moment. She never loved him as much as she did at this moment. It didn't matter anymore. This was the last time she could ever loathe or adore him. He was gone.

 **well that took a turn for the worst. please tell me you get it. it's obvious what he did, i just didn't spell it out.**

 **thanks for reading! my first victorious fic. kind of excited, tbh. sorry this was kind of dark. i'll write a lighter one. i don't even know who i'm talking to. none of my previous audience would read this, i suppose. so anyone who does, i appreciate it so much. tell me what you think. i take criticism well. no i don't. but seriously, tell me.**


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